Love Out Loud Asia // 5 ways to get over an ex

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Recently, in a collaboration with Love Out Loud Asia (LOLA), I was invited to do a guest blog post for them! :) Well, when I had to decide on a topic to write, I was kinda spoilt for choices 'cause there's actually quite a few topics that I wouldn't mind/ am interested in writing about! Eventually I decided on writing about 5 ways to get over an ex, not because I am a guru at getting over one (HAHA), but a couple of my friends are going through this phase and I guess this is pretty much applicable to me and a few other friends as well :) This actually applies to both genders but for convenience sake, I addressed the "ex" as a male partner. Just my two cents worth!(:

The post is also available on LOLA's webpage at HERE (:

Being in love is often the best feeling ever. But being in love also puts you through the risk of falling out of love. It isn’t easy having to deal with letting someone who once meant so much to you go, or having to move on when you’re so used to being dependent on your other half. Yet, this has to start somewhere, somehow.
1)      Stop all contact with him/her (temporarily, not permanently)
This is the toughest, yet the single most important thing to do after a break up. Of course it is okay to use up a few days to “clear things up” – how you’re going to “answer” to your family, friends, etc, but it is not okay if it drags on for weeks and months. Both of you, or maybe just you, may have been too dependent on your partner that you still impose expectations on him as a romantic partner instead of just a friend. Worse still, he might just be making use of your feelings that still linger for him, giving you what we deem as “false hopes”. Do not become the person your ex turns to only when he has nobody else to turn to, and false hopes are called false hopes for a reason. They are NOT real. To avoid all these, simply pluck up the courage and stop texting and seeing him for a while (this may take months and maybe years). Clear the chat history and saved messages and reject all the meet-ups he initiates/ do not initiate a meet-up UNLESS you are ready and clear of what you want. The worst thing that can happen is being weak and easily wavered by someone’s words. It gets tempting but avoid hearing or asking for updates about his life via mutual friends. It does no help in moving on EITHER knowing he is handling the break up worse than you OR he is having the time of his life without you.

2)      Chuck your memories aside and away from sight
Life anew post break-up has to begin somewhere. Before partying your sorrows away or drowning yourself in tears (yes, it is only human to cry, there is nothing wrong with that!), start from the four walls that you trap yourself in and may even have his smell lingering in it. You don’t have to throw everything away; neither do you have to take extreme measures of returning him everything. (Not everything you see in dramas is worth learning from) Get a giant box and keep all the photos, soft toys and everything that reminds you of him into it and keep it in the storeroom and do not revisit these again till a few years later. (You’ll laugh (sometimes cringe) at these memories after getting over and moving on completely!) Change his contact name to simply his first and last name without the emoji and terms of endearment, if you are someone who loves to save your boyfriend’s names as such. Keep the digital photos of both of you together in a thumb drive, reset your photo gallery and change the wallpaper.

It is important to acknowledge that these memories were once the most precious in your life. They were once your pillar of strength and source of happiness regardless of the way it ended up. They were significant in shaping you into who you are today, these memories need not necessarily mean you still hold feelings for that person. (Neither is throwing it away representative of you fully letting go or moving on) And you know you’ve fully gotten over your ex when you revisit these memories a few years down the road, and be thankful for the relationship that made you stronger.

3)      Do more of the things that make you happy
photo 1 5 Ways to Get Over an Ex
(Photo from Pinterest)
This point is pretty much self-explanatory.  Doing things that make you happy is therapeutic and helps to rid your mind of negative thoughts. Go for a run, a swim, dance, cook, or even travel. Basically, keep yourself busy with what makes you happy. Spend more time with your family and friends and the people who truly care about you, they will be the ones who are able to provide you with the strength to move on and offer you advice on what you should do. Do not sit around at home and cry in bed an entire day for months and drown yourself in sorrows of the past.

P.S: Moving on happy is also starting your life healthy — eat proper meals and engage in a healthy lifestyle. Yes, partying gives you the momentarily thrill of letting things go, but too much is merely a sign that you are avoiding reality.

4)      Respect yourself and your relationship
The relationship was between the two of you, hence there is no need to let the whole world know what problems you all had, or by making your whole social circle takes sides on who was right and who was wrong in the relationship. Your relationship may be over but respect the friendship of your ex and your mutual friends, as well as the relationship you once had. There is no need to over-publicize the ugly things that he has done or attempt to get back at him. In the first place, you shouldn’t be digging up the past if you were to have gotten over him! Washing dirty linens in public is clearly a sign that you are not over him and you’re being disrespectful of the relationship you once had. Your relationship, regardless of how it ended, should have added value to your life. Just like friends, some stay and some go. Acknowledge that he simply isn’t the one for you and embrace the memories and decisions you all had. Graciousness and magnanimity is a sign that you are strong enough to move on without bearing grudges for all the things that did not turn out right.
photo 2 5 Ways to Get Over an Ex
(Photo from Pinterest)
5)      Establish the mutual consent that both of you still wish to stay friends
While it is true to a certain extent that “two people who were truly in love can never stay friends again”, it is not impossible as long as both parties are mutually agreeable to staying friends in the future. Of course, you will not become friends again the day right after you broke up. It takes time, and giving yourself time to sort out your feelings and learning to move on should be priority before attempting to become friends again. Being able to keep a friend is better than losing one or making an enemy, and your ex was possibly your best friend or someone who knew you best before things went wrong. And admit it, by not being romantically involved; he might actually make a great friend. This point isn’t easy to achieve and doesn’t work for many of the people I know. It may also be really awkward to start out with, and requires both parties to be sure that they have moved on. But you know you have really gotten over your ex when you are able to start your friendship anew in a purely platonic manner.

To conclude,
photo 3 5 Ways to Get Over an Ex
(Photo from Pinterest)
The first step to getting over an ex is to get up, move on and move along.

Love Out Loud Asia (LOLA) is a SIMPLE, FUN & PRIVATE dating app that helps singles spend less time online and more time actually dating! How are we different from other dating apps? We focus on date ideas and only send you one match a day at noon.. here's a short 30sec video to better illustrate how-it-works: Available on both iPhone & Android. For more info, simply visit:

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